Exploring Limits (part 2)
Martial Arts Training
I have trained in martial arts most of my life. Judo in middle school, wresting in high school, karate in college and graduate school, and aikido for many years. At the age of 52 decided to try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. When I started jiu-jitsu, I thought I should be good at this…I’m in good condition. I have trained in karate, I’m a black belt in aikido, and I have done some wrestling. I’ve got this. I was wrong. It was way more difficult than I had imagined. Even though I was a runner and had good cardio, I felt like an out-of-shape lazy person whenever I trained. It often felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and was going to pass out. One day during the first month of training, I hurt my rib and had to stay out of training for almost a month. After overcoming this setback physically, but more importantly mentally, I continued to train 3 times a week and began to get the hang of things slowly but surely.
I tried out my jiujitsu in competition. In the first three matches in my first three competitions, I lost. The only thing I can remember from those early matches was the panic feeling of not being able to breathe. Was this my limit? In those days, my limit was simply to compete and survive. A few years later, as a blue belt, I won a few local competitions and competed in my age division in the IBJJF World Masters division. To my surprise, I won. I didn’t feel that great about the win because I felt uncoordinated most of the match and barely won by one point. Well, a win is a win even if it’s an ugly one. What was my limit that day? To compete and barely win?
About a year later, I was still a blue belt and had signed up for the World Masters competition again. About three weeks before the tournament, my teacher promoted me to purple belt. I was an established, experienced blue belt. In our school, I had viewed the purple belts as the “tough guys” that always beat everyone. My teacher said something like, “Good news. You are now promoted to purple belt. The bad news is you have to re-register for World Masters.” I now have to compete against the “tough guys” as a newbie purple belt. I went to Las Vegas and competed anyway. My mindset was, “I’m a newbie. If I lose, it doesn’t matter. Nobody will expect much from a newbie. I’ll do my best and see what happens.” I believe I performed better because I had this “I’m not really attached to the outcome” attitude. Four matches later, I wound up winning my division. Is this the limit?
I was feeling pretty good. I thought, “wow, I just won gold at World Masters. Life is good, plenty of high-fives to look forward to back home.” I was walking around the venue feeling content and ran into my teacher, Professor Draculino. He says something like: “Good job, great match…now go win the open division.” I did not really understand what open division was. I think, “No, I won the old guys division. I’m good.” I believe one reason why he is a world renowned jiujitsu instructor is that he has this casual way of having confidence in you that you have not realized yet. I have seen this not just with myself, but with others. This complacent attitude of “I’m good” has its drawbacks. My reflex was to play it safe and be content. Exploring limits is doing your best and then going a little further and seeing what happens. The actual limits are usually outside of your comfort zone, and occasionally others might have a better sense of them than you do.
Open division is where anyone from any weight class can sign up if they won first or second place in their division. I signed up (mostly because my teacher said to) and competed. I didn’t care very much about how I did. I won my division, so today was a good day. I’m doing the next part without any emotional attachment to the outcome. Four matches later, I won the open division. One reason for this was having some feeling of not caring what the outcome was. Exploring limits is not really about winning the race or winning the match it is about having an experience of something near your perceived limits.
There is nothing wrong with striving for a goal of some sort and then being content once we achieve the goal. However, occasionally, it is good to go a bit further and explore your limits. It is not to service the ego or chase satisfaction outside of yourself, but to step outside of the ego and test out, through actual experience, your limits. There are often many facets of our ego where we limit ourselves. We say to ourselves things like, “Oh, I could never do that.” Well, it might be so, but have you tested that belief against your direct experience?
Exploring limits does not have to be physical activities like marathons or martial arts. These are just examples. Exploring limits can be anything. Whatever I do, can I do a little more or go a little farther in that endeavor? It’s not about proving something about who you are (I did this, I’m all that). It is more about breaking down notions that you have about who you are. Examine some things you already do and then ask yourself if I could go a little farther? Can I try something I have never done before and see how the experience unfolds?